You're not in Oz anymore...

The following is a collection of diary entries of a driver's virgin voyage across Kansas.




9:13 a.m.

Dear Diary:

I have no idea what to expect, so I've created a killer playlist and stocked up on drinks and snacks to keep myself busy. Forecast says it should be a nice day to drive, maybe a little windy but I'll be in my Prius, an aerodynamically designed piece of eco-friendly heaven, so I'm good to go. Let's roll!
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9:42 a.m.

Dear Diary:

First cup of coffee down? Check. Cruise control set to 79? Check. Playlist already the best compilation of music ever assembled? Of course. This should be a breeze.
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10:13 a.m.

Dear Diary:

COFFEE IS THE GREATEST INVENTION EVER! My steering wheel is a fantastic drum pad and I don't care what you think when you see me drive past you, head bobbing, while you're in your Dodge Caravan filled with small children. Best of luck with that death trap on wheels. I think I might have to pee soon but seeing as I'm a badass alpha male who doesn't take shit from no one, I should be able to keep the seal tight for at least a couple more hours. That's like 200 miles, right? Golden.
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10: 22 a.m.

Dear Diary:

I've decided it's unhealthy to resist my bodily urges, so I've stopped in the capital city, Topeka, to reward myself for the success this journey has been so far with a quick pee break. No regrets. Topeka might be the most alien city I've ever encountered. Random high rise buildings clearly constructed with no prior thought or plan, lookin' like they're straight out of the late 60's. Spotted the capital building! It would look a lot better without all of that scaffolding covering it up. Restoration is key though. I'm sure they'll have it done in a matter of months. It's not like they have anything else to do in this city. Taxation is so necessary to keep our infrastructure together.
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11:33 a.m.

Dear Diary:

Totally back in the Prius, totally killin' it. I must have travelled at least 450 miles by now and everything looks exactly the same. Grass. Cows. Little houses on the prairie. Repeat. I've almost used a quarter of a tank of gas; shouldn't take more than a half tank to get to Colorado. Hybrids are God's greatest gift to man. Time for some Rolos.
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12:13 a.m.

Dear Diary:

I had no idea there were so many cows alive in the world. How do they even survive out here? The water can't be very clean and I think I've seen a grand total of two watering holes this entire time. I'm telling you, water shortage is going to be a real problem in a few years and this place is a perfect example of how it's already happening. Stock up on water bottles people. I can see some clouds in the distance, at least I'll have something new to look at. Almost lunch time I think.
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1:02 p.m.

Dear Diary:

Those clouds I mentioned were nice for about 10 minutes, but now the sun is gone and its eerily dark. Also, I was almost thrown off the road by an enormous gust of wind. I took my hands off the wheel to open another box of Rolos and all of a sudden I was in the next lane, veering off the road. I saw my whole life flash before my eyes! It wasn't that exciting... Anyways I've decided this is a great opportunity to strengthen my forearms and grip strength so I'm two-handing this vessel for a little while. The mountains have to be getting close.
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1:25 p.m.

Dear Diary:

It's pouring rain. I can barely see 20 feet ahead of me, and my windshield wipers are on full blast! I'll be waiting for another recall from Toyota for this tragedy. Just entered a construction zone and we're down to one lane traffic. No one wants to drive more than 25 mph. This could not get any worse.

Send help soon.
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1:59 p.m.

The rain will not let up and neither will these orange cones encasing me in a single lane of doom. They never end! And the best part is, there's no sign of any kind of construction going on whatsoever. I'm moving at the speed of smell and I just passed a sign that says "next exit: 26 miles". I'm out of Rolos, and my Diet Coke is down to a couple swallows. Wait a second... what was that? Are those balls of ice on the road?? IT'S JUNE!

Send help soon.
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To be continued.